Last month my friend decided to terminate our friendship on the basis that my life was too stressful for her. It's true, I suppose, that I'm a 24/7 kind of person. I'm always looking for the next biggest adventure and my life motto is "I don't need rest; I'll sleep when I'm dead." Still, it was a bit disheartening when, in the heat of the arguement, she said: "you can't not do things". (ever the eloquent speaker.) So, being my typical stubborn self, I decided to give that a go. I wasn't going to do any 'things'. I'd do the typical 'go to a friends house and watch television/go to the cinema/shop for regular things'.


A month later, I've done it...and I never want to go back. It's a shame my friends tend to burn out so quickly. When we were friends, we had plans. Big, big plans. Now that it's no longer, I saw a fb status update (something I try to avoid. It's a general rule in my book to 'out of sight out of mind' someone that decides I'm no longer worth breathing the same air as.) Anyway, I saw her status read something about school. Throughtout our bffship (friendship = 5 years; bffship = 1.5 years) she hated school to the point of dropping out TWICE. She got kicked out of programs due to low GPAs and not showing up, etc. So, I don't know I guess it just saddens me to see people change like that. To force themselves to do something because it's common or expected.


Although, she wasn't the best friend I've ever had. Quite frankly she wasn't in the Top Five. I feel that's why
A. I let the friendship end so easily. I even forgot to tell my mom until she asked about her.
B. I'm not that torn about her choice to return to something she hates.
C. I'm so determined to do what we both said we'd do, first. We were in the middle of writing a screenplay - a really, really good one, too - when the friendship imploded. We decided to give the movie-making thing a try to see if we were right about it being our (seperate) calling(s). We were right, at least in my case.

So, her going back to school either makes it seem like the whole thing was a lie, or she's given up.

There's nothing more heartbreaking that someone that gives up on their dreams.

History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.

- Winston Churchill

photo credit: Facebook S&S Photography

I've been called upon to help with a telethon for Haiti. At first I was pretty against throwing money at the Hatians without giving them any assistance, but, I realized, it's better to do a little bit than to do nothing at all. As they say, every little bit counts.

I'm a bit sad right now. Looking out the window I can see bright blue skies and the sun high in the sky - something that I've rarely been able to witness over the past few months. With the sun beating down on the windows and making everything warm inside, I want to go outside and play. Alas, take one step outside and you freeze to death. The weather here is oh so sneaky like that.

Around Christmastime, I was really wanting to go to Disneyland (I went twice last year: once in March and then again in October.) It's probably my favorite place ever right now. Due to my overbearing work schedules I haven't been able to do anything awesome recently, which is killing me. Ordinarily a trip to La Push or a midnight run to the Sonic in Portland would cure that, but I need something kind of big. There's a delicious coffee stand in the San Fran airport, so I'm thinking about heading there or to Disneyland for one day. We'll see...

times, they are a-changin'

I've decided to be someone else for a little while. I really admire artistic people and fashionistas. I've taken a huge eye to heels and dresses and skirts, and I really am getting into photographs.


There's this website: http://www.polyvore.com/ that is my absolute favorite. Any article of clothing / handbag / shoe you could possibly find is all on this site, and you can then take them & make outfits out of them. I'm pathetically addicted, and now I desperately want to do loads of shopping!

I'll think I'll start doing a photo of the post. Here's todays:

The great forest of La Push. I really want to go back. Additionally, the hair product Andrea put in my hair today smelled like an airport. Whilst this wasn't exactly positive, I now want to go to the airport & take a flight. I dont even really care where.

I'm currently watching the news as they are broadcasting about the Olympics. I'm not gonna lie, I feel pretty awesome that trillions of people are congregating in the same city I venture to for cinematic adventures. Its the ol' "I knew ______ before it was big" feeling. Classic.

Sugar Baby

I'm leaving in May for Europe. I've decided to just sort of back pack through it on account of the fact that

A. hotels are so expensive for more than thirty days.
B. it's far too complicated to try to work out getting a work permit for a menial job.

I'm a pretty high maintenance girl when it comes right down to it. I don't wear much makeup, but I do wear a bit, and I always do my hair (now, again). Whilst I can live out of a suitcase, and from hotel to hotel, I don't know how I'm going to do living out of a backpack and living hostel to hostel. Anyway, I'm trying to train my hair to not need a straightener, and its not an easy feat. The good news is that its getting back to its uberlong length so the weight of it all is helping keep the curls on the DL.

In partially other news, my Westie Sugar has had a downright disgusting ear infection, so I took her to the vet today. Turns out she also has a skin infection, her gums are disintegrating, and she's getting arthritis in her knees. I'll have you know this is her third time since Thanksgiving that she's been to the vet, so don't go thinking she's been neglected. Well, the vet said that if I start all the medications and baths today & keep up on her vet visits and junk, she should be all better within six months.

May we review the top of this post? Yeaah...I've been planning to leave in May for three months for a long time now. I'm really...puzzled. I don't want to give Sugar away, & quite frankly I'm starting to get accustomed to waiting to leave (mo money). The big problem is that a year ago I told everyone that I was moving to California in August 09. Then I told them I was moving to CA in January. Then I said I was going to Europe in April with a friend. Then I said May. This is the first time it's my fault for the pushback, but it's just so embarassing. I almost feel like disappearing in May and pretending I've left. It's so irritating!! I hate having to tell people I didn't do what I said I was going to. I feel like a failure.


...because I failed.