burn out brighter

It's better to burn out than to fade away - Kurt Cobain

I posted on my FB status that I was bored and wanted to do something extraordinary. My aunt commented and suggested I accompany her and her grandkids (= my semi cousins) to Disneyland in two weeks. I accepted. They all live about two hours from the park so I'll be doing a bit of solo travel. I love travelling. I love the view from airplanes and airport book shops and the sense of accomplishment after getting from a completely foreign airport to an equally foreign hotel without assistance.


I don't think I've mentioned it here yet, but my current goal is to get to every continent before my 21st birthday.

21st birthday = Dec 27th 2011.
Continents untouched thus far = 5.
(I've got a lot of work to do.)


Why this goal, you ask? It's quite simple: I don't want to grow up. I'm not neccesarily scared of adulthood, or too immature for it. No, no, no. I just don't want to. This whole plan is just a giant coverup for the fact that I don't have a career planned out because I don't want one*. I don't want to be a receptionist forever, but I know the second I say "this is what I want to do with my life" is the day my life changes. People will expect things of me, I will probably have to go to school, move out, buy my own car, live alone, take fewer vacations, pay for health insurance, etc. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to live by myself. I don't want "big people" responsibilities and I certainly don't want to start 'the rest of my life' this soon.
Also - and it's just the tiniest part of me - I want to prove that I can still be extraordinary. All my past friends that for one reason or another dubbed me as unworthy are still living in the same small towns with (and without) the same monotonous jobs. They go to parties and get drunk and that's it for them. When I posted my pictures of London, they gaped and awed. It's like theres a world out there that no one knows about, and certainly don't want to leave their comfortable lives to go explore.

This year my English bff was to be in the country for the year and we had plans of going to Time Square for New Years as he couldn't go home to celebrate. Well, his program was terminated early, and thus my plans were too. Bummer. But this means that instead of staying in the country this winter, I can leave it! (november is technically fall, isn't it?) In February I'm taking a cruise from Argentina to Antarctica. Yes, Antarctica. Who goes there?! I do. It's a continent that must be conqured. This means: after Feb I'll only have two continents left and ten months in which to conquer them in. I relish the challenge.


*I geniunely want to be a writer more than anything. Novels and screenplays. However, this is not recognized in society as a 'career'. It's more of a childish interpretation of actual adult jobs.

sweet disposition

"A ship in the harbour is safe, but that's not what ships are built for."
- John Shedd


I am a person who gets scared easily. I freak out before making tough phone calls. I avoid asking hard or potentially stupid questions. I'm am absolute chicken when it comes right down to it. Sure, I'll galavant in a gorilla suit in public, but going up to a saleman and ask for assistance? I don't think so.

Maybe it's not fear. Maybe it's pride. I don't like to be thought of as weak. I don't like people thinking I'm vunerable. I'd rather be wrong than needy, and I don't even like being wrong. (Who does, right?)

That's not the secret but I know what is: Everybody dies but not everyone lives.

Well, I'm sick of this. I can't live a life of fear anymore. That's not a life at all. After calling my closest friends in an attempt to get a pal for the Frenchie outing and reaching nothing but dead ends, I had an epiphany: I don't need other people to feel secure. At the end of the day, the life I lead is the life I need to be okay with. I can't live depending on other people; nothing would ever be accomplished.

I spoke with my retired neighbors today about my plans to visit Cairns, Australia this fall. They went to Sydney recently and told me how incredible it was and all the things that could be done there. I'm thinking about taking 2ish weeks off of work and heading to Cairns and Sydney. I want to stay in hostels and I don't want to be nervous about going solo at the beach or restaurants anymore. I just want to start living again.